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Welcome to the What’s the Matter With Me? Podcast, Season 3, Episode 4, Mobility Assistance, in which we go on a trip to Sacramento where I finally admit to myself that I need a scooter, plus fictional characters with MS. I made some new tunes and more. Stay tuned. Check it out.

My name is John. I’m 39 years old, husband, and father of two, small business owner, radio DJ, podcaster, and I have multiple sclerosis, so I made this podcast to share what I’m going through.

What’s the Matter With Me? is an MS podcast, and it’s also about other things. Past episodes can be downloaded on Apple Podcasts, from WhatsTheMatterWithMe.org, or wherever you get it.

I’m not a medical professional. Don’t take this for medical advice. If you need medical advice, ask your healthcare provider.

Shout outs: first of all, come on. What’s up? I’m nothing without a shout out. I’m a shout out machine. You put a quarter in me, I’m just like, “Shout out, shout out, shout out.” Shout outs to Patrick, and shout outs to Emma. Give me an email– Contact me on the– Give Me An Email using the contact form, and I’ll give you a shout out.

All right, recap. Recap, recapitulate, recapture and wreak havoc. Last episode, I’ve received my MS medicine by infusion. There was a reiki lady. She gave me reiki, and check it out: Season 3, Episode 3, Infusion. It’s up on WhatsTheMatterWithMe.org.

I went to Sacramento and horned in on my cousin’s life for four days. I dominated his house and mind, I’m sure. I have profound apologies, but now that I have MS, I’m working up to a trek. I can’t really travel, you know, so I’m working up to it. I want to go to the Monolithic Rock churches of Ethiopia, and I want to feed raw meat to hyenas on the end of a stick. But for right now, I go to Sacramento. It’s just two or three hours away by car. I do a lot of weird stuff. In addition to invading my cousin’s life, I visited the capitol building. I met with my assembly member, Ash Kalra, representing the 27th California Assembly District, where we live here in San Jose. We sat in his office with John John and Koko, and I like to do this where … I’m not really into politics or any … But I like to show kids things. I wanted to show them that politics is a real thing, and the government is real. Real people are involved. It was cool.

So we went in to his office, Ash Kalra’s office, and we took a picture with him. We talked with the kids about where they went to school. He was cool, and I was glad to show that to the kids. The capitol building politics is as strange as you think it is. It’s very strange. Hopefully the kids picked up on that, and they won’t become politicians, hopefully. But you know, it’s probably the other way … Everything goes wrong when you’re a parent.

We ate at Frank Fats, a Chinese restaurant, an old Chinese restaurant, in Sacramento, but it’s like a political, rubbing shoulders kind of restaurant nowadays. You can get an awesome martini, and fried wontons, weird stuff.

We ate also at Juno’s Kitchen and Deli. It’s like a casual deli, but they bake the bread in the house, and it’s kind of more refined than you expect it to be. But it’s good for the family, and it’s cool. We go there. It feels like a gem, kind of thing. They like Hoppin Hot Sauce there, and they have the bottle. So when I walked in there, they were like, “John!” You know, and I was like, “Yeah, I’m on the bottle,” you know what I mean? My name is known. Juno’s, Juno’s Café and Deli, check it out in Sacramento.

The tourist area of Sacramento has the worst name. It’s called Old Sac. I mean, for real. The central tourist area, they’re like, “Welcome to Old Sac.” You call up your friends. You’re like, “Hey, guys, let’s go hang out in Old Sac.”

McKinley Park is like this giant green space park with a duck pond in the middle, and a kids playground, a really big one. Kids wanted to go there every day. We went to Sutter’s Fort. Went to the Crocker Art Museum. It’s a cool, modern museum built around an 1870s mansion, and it has a big collection of plates, African headrests, and California works on paper, old pictures, ceramics. It’s like a mix of things. The mix of architecture with this mansion, 1870s, big mansion, beautiful flooring, parquet floors, other kinds of floor. It’s pretty amazing. And then a modern museum kind of built around it. But I had mobility issues.

After I walk for like half an hour, it starts to get hard to walk, and the pressure exerted by my AFO leg brace on my ankle and the top of my foot is too much after a while. It’s carbon fiber on bone, and eventually I can barely walk. I realize my AFO allows me to walk, but I can’t go take a walk. So I’m like hobbling through the 19th century mansion in pain, and I’m unable to move my eyes from the floor, or I’ll risk falling. And I decide, that’s when I finally capitulated. I’m like, “I’m getting a scooter.” And I told Nami, and of course, she’s very supportive.

A few years ago, I saw a rehab therapist who advised me to get a folding, portable scooter. She asked me, “Imagine a party at the end of a long path, far from the car.” Did I want to spend my energy on the path, getting there, or at the party itself? It was kind of like an easy question, but I was afraid of the answer. And I said to myself, like, “Oh, I’ll be fine. I can make it.” But I’ve gone to enough events with Hoppin Hot Sauce, or family events, school events, had enough trouble maneuvering, almost falling over, endless treks through 19th century manors. It’s true. My brace helps me walk, but not to go on a walk.

Like the AFO before it, the scooter is a choice born out of necessity that effects my appearance to the outside world, and it requires me to let go of a bit of vanity, not by my own choice. And just to write that out, to say this feels healthy. It feels good, and valuable to accept reality. Acceptance, move onward.

What about the way characters with multiple sclerosis are represented in the culture? I’ve been reading this book. I’ve been reading 2666 by Roberto Bolano. It’s a novel I selected. I picked it out because his earlier book, The Savage Detectives, was compared to Jack Kerouac, and as a kid, I always loved that. And that’s the reason why I didn’t read Savage Detectives. I was like, “I’m not going to read that. It’s kids stuff. I used to like Jack Kerouac when I was a kid, kid stuff.” But then I saw this huge book in the bookstore, 2666, at the used bookstore. And it was in good condition, hardcover, so I was like, “I’ve got to get that.” It was a good price, and I was like, “That guy was the guy who was compared to Jack Kerouac.”

Now, there’s this huge book. He’s a Chilean guy, died in 2003 at the age of 50. At the bookstore, I skimmed a few pages, and it was like one of these manifold themed books unfolding all different kind of writing. It was like Borges and Murakami. It was like a serious novel. It was a big and powerful book, with lots of different interesting stuff inside, revolving around an elusive, fictitious, elusive German author, and an unsolved and ongoing murders of women in Santa Teresa in Mexico, based on Ciudad Juarez. And I was like, “This is cool. This is weird and cool.”

In the book, a group of scholars are searching for this German author, and one of them has MS, and he’s in a wheelchair. And he goes on a trip to London from Turin. And it just says, “He had to rest after.” And I was like, “Oh, it’s fatigue. He has MS fatigue.” And so it’s like depictions of MS always interest me. I hop all over them, and read into them, and interpret them, and I’m hoping MS will get the same nuanced treatment as everything else in the book, with the same level of almost crazy care.

Here, I’m going to read another bit, where the character with MS decides not to go to Mexico.

“At the last minute, Morini decided not to travel. His ill health, he said, made it impossible. Marcel Schwob, whose health was equally fragile, had set off in 1901 on a more difficult trip to visit Stevenson’s grave on an island in the Pacific. Schwob’s trip lasted many days, first on La Ville de la Ciotat, then on the Polynesien, then on the Manapouri.

“In January 1902, he fell ill with pneumonia, and nearly died. Schwob was traveling with his Chinese manservant, Ting, who got seasick at the drop of a hat. Or maybe he got seasick only if the sea was rough. In any case, the trip was plagued by rough seas and seasickness. At one point, Schwob in bed in his stateroom, and convinced he was on the verge of death, felt someone lie down beside him. When he turned to see who the intruder was, he discovered his Oriental servant, his skin as green as grass. Only then did he realize what kind of venture he had embarked on.

“When he got to Samoa after many hardships, he didn’t visit Stevenson’s grave, partly because he was too sick, and partly because what’s the point of visiting the grave of someone who hasn’t died, Stevenson, and Schwob owed this simple revelation to his trip, lived inside him.

“Morini, who admired Schwob, or more precisely, felt a great fondness for him, thought at first that his trip to Senora could be a kind of lesser homage to the French writer, and also to the English writer whose grave the French writer had gone to visit. But when he got back to Turin, he saw that travel was beyond him, so he called his friends and lied, saying that the doctor had strictly forbidden anything of the kind. Pelletier and Espinoza accepted his explanation, and promised they would call regularly to keep him posted on the search they were undertaking, the definitive search this time.

“Norton felt somehow insulted by Morini’s decision not to go with them. They didn’t call each other again. Morini might have called Norton, but before his friends set off in their search for Archimboldi, he in his own way, like Schwob in Samoa, had already begun a voyage, a voyage that would end, not at the grave of a brave man, but in a kind of resignation, what might be called a new experience, since this wasn’t resignation in any ordinary sense of the world, or even patience, or conformity. But rather, a state of meekness, a refined and incomprehensible humility that made him cry for no reason, and in which his own image, what Morini saw as Morini, gradually and helplessly dissolved, like a river that stops being a river, or a tree that burns on the horizon, not knowing that it’s burning.”

Something cool about that, I like that, “A tree on the horizon on fire that doesn’t know that it’s burning.” That’s kind of how it is, a meek, dissolution, MS. I think there’s something … This guy is a perceptive author. There is something he knows, pretty cool.

There’s new music. I made new music. It’s pretty strange. I make it all with my left hand, because of my right hand doesn’t work. It’s kind of this weird, synthetic jazz process. So there’s a new tune called Suda. You can hear it, Soundcloud.com/john-hoppin.

Thanks for listening to Season 3, Episode 4 of the What’s the Matter With Me? podcast, Mobility Assistance. Find other episodes at Apple Podcasts, WhatstheMatterWithMe.org, or wherever you get your podcasts. The worldwide universal sponsor, Hoppin Hot Sauce, is a movement.

“Hoppin Hot Sauce, it’s the best hot sauce! Hoppin Hot Sauce, it’s the best sauce in the world!”

Hoppin Hot Sauce is a movement. Get with it, HoppinHotSauce.com.

Thank you for listening to the What’s the Matter With Me? podcast, Season 3, Episode 4, Mobility Assistance, in the books.

flyer

Welcome to the What’s The Matter With Me? Podcast, Season 2, Episode 2 “Cafeteria”

My name is John I’m 39 years old husband father of two small business owner radio DJ podcaster and I have multiple sclerosis so I made this podcast to share what I’m going through.
What’s The Matter With Me? is an MS podcast and it’s also about other things I’m not a medical professional and you should not take this for medical advice if you need medical advice ask your healthcare provider
Download the What’s The Matter With Me? Podcast on Apple Podcasts and whatsthematterwithme.org

Contacts

Shoutouts to Rocky and Pat and some other people who contacted me to say they were digging this season premiere and looking forward to more. You can contact me using the contact page.

Great new life activity

A very validating new life activity that I have is answering Hoppin Hot Sauce fan mail.  I am so glad to get Hoppin Hot Sauce out in the world.

Take a seat in the cafeteria

I went to John John’s school orientation. It was in the cafeteria. I had to figure out where to sit. One of the teachers couldn’t work a microphone. They passed out a handout that listed the topics they would discuss but no useful information about them.  The principal talked about rules for a long time like the uniform and punctuality. I’m very excited, I’m just traumatized having gone to school already I didn’t consider going back.

Neverending jaw pain story

I increased my dosage of Gabapentin because I was having jaw pain. It made the pain go away but it made me sleep all day. I have reduced my dosage and I feel some pain but very low on the scale like one or two out of 10. I’m not too sleepy or sedated. I’m taking 300 extra milligrams right now. A couple of days ago I was taking 900 extra milligrams. Something like that.  I think I should get some guidance from the nurse.

Keeping track

One of the coolest things about this podcast is that when they listen to old episodes like from a year ago I can gauge how I feel now versus how I felt then and it is useful. I am doing a lot better than I was a year ago.

Recording the voiceless

I’m doing a special on KFJC about the musicologist Ian Brennan called Recording The Voiceless. He travels around the world recording prisoners, albinos, victims of genocide poverty and war. He’s recorded in Vietnam and Cambodia. Rwandan refugees. Albinos who are stigmatized and even killed for the a white color of their skin which is considered to have special properties. The albinos have a tune called “Disability is not a crime”. That’s how I got into it. The way he records voiceless people is kind of similar to the way disabled people aren’t given a voice, and I am concerned with that. I’ll play my interview with Ian on Thursday May 24th from noon to 2 p.m. Pacific Time on kfjc 89.7 FM and kfjc.Org where there will be an archive of it for 2 weeks.

Hoppin Hot Sauce is real

Hoppin Hot Sauce is real and is produced and it’s for sale at hoppinhotsauce.com. I’ll discuss it in more detail in an upcoming episode. If you end up as a customer, maybe you will end up writing me some fan mail.

Still

Welcome to the Season Finale

Welcome to the What’s The Matter With Me? Podcast, Episode 33: A Scrap Of A Dad Is Still A Dad. It’s the NBD season finale.

My name is John, I’m 38 years old, husband, father of two, small business owner, radio DJ, podcaster, and I have multiple sclerosis so I made this podcast to share what I’m going through.  What’s The Matter With Me? is a MS podcast and it’s also about other things.  I am not a medical professional and you should not take this for medical advice. If you need medical advice ask your healthcare provider.

The What’s The Matter With Me? Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts and whatsthematterwithme.org

Recap Episode 32

Last episode, I meditated that social media was like the mirror scene from Enter the Dragon, the final match where Bruce Lee fights Han. They played it during setup at Lollapalooza before Smashing Pumpkins in 1995.  Some listeners wrote me about  the Wahls protocol. We talked about how this episode is the season finale and plans for the future.  There are new plants in the garden.  I am happy to say that my disability conciousness grew a lot in season 1.  Stay tuned for more in season 2..

Listener Mailbag

Listeners wrote in to say the podcast meant a lot to them and I want to give a shout out to those people and express thanks and gratitude. I am extremely happy and immensely gratified to provide support.  Thank you for listening, reaching out, contacting me and in turn supporting me.

I’m overjoyed when listeners write me.  You can contact me using the form on whatsthematterwithme.org.   While you’re there, why not Subscribe to our action network.

In The Handicap Space

Another parent was parked in the handicap space on Monday. I was dropping off John John and Koko.  She said she was late for work. I said that may be true, but this is space is not for convenience, it’s for access.  I told her I was a parent too and that it wasn’t personal. She said again she was late for work. I told her that I thought it was for access not convenience, and that furthermore her car was in my way and creating danger for me because I have to “go off-road” with my two kids.  I have hurt myself very seriously doing the same thing before.  Letting it slide would have been my preference, but when she started justifying her presence in the space, I had to say something.  My kids were watching.

DVD cover

A Scrap of a Dad

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (2007) was directed by Julian Schnabel about Jean-Dominique Bauby, played by Mathieu Almaric, who was the editor of Elle Magazine. He experienced a major stroke that left him with a case of what is often called “shut-in syndrome”. He had no way of communicating, or moving other than blinking his eye. With the help of a speech therapist, he learns to communicate using only blinking, and writes his memoir. The movie uses point of view cinematography after the stroke and scenes from the memoir are shown as flashbacks.

“Bauby assured people of an indestructible human essence inside the destructible human body.” – Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

Fear of being shut in

Roger Ebert pointed out that Julian Schnabel has now directed three movies about artist creating in the face of obstacles. Basquiat, about a New York graffiti artist, Before Night Falls about persecuted poet Reynaldo Arenas.

Roger Ebert said he feared shut-in syndrome during his jaw surgery. MS can shut people down – I feel the same way, and this is so terrifying.  I think this is why it had such an effect on me.

jean-dominique on the phone

Phone call

A Scrap Of A Dad

The film affected me most when he spoke about being a father. In one scene, he is on the beach in his wheelchair with his family.  He reflects upon his inability to offer touch to his children. He is sad, but he says that even a scrap of a dad is still a dad. This greatly affected me. It made me cry.

Something I really struggle with is accepting my limitations in the context of fatherhood. Ultimately, a father is a father. All of them have limitations. As children we look up to our parents. One of the most difficult things is to accept that I have limitations and I am a father. Because I want to fight for my child and I’m worried that I won’t be able to – that I will lose the fight and I won’t be able to get what I need to get for John John. As always when you say it out loud it ends up sounding kind of ridiculous. Because I know I can definitely win that fight.  Turning obstacles into strengths is the name of the game around here.

Long-Awaited Upgrade, NBD Season Finale

I’m going to get a new computer. It’s actually being shipped to me right now. I will need to set it up once it gets here. I need to put the old episodes online. Once I get that straight I’m coming back for season 2.  Stay tuned!

  • I’m John Hoppin my email address is John at Hoppin world.com
  • The What’s The Matter with Me? Podcast is available on Apple podcast SoundCloud what’s the matter with me. Orgy and wherever else you find it
  • That’s What’s The Matter With Me? Episode 33 in the books thank you for listening

STAY TUNED FOR SEASON 2

 

sage

Enter The Dragon

In this episode, I tell all about the last scene in Enter the Dragon and how it connects to my experience going to Lollapalooza in 1994, the Wahl’s protocol, and the upcoming Season Finale in Episode 33.  Inspired by playing Episode 1 in the last episode, I compare where I am then and now.

Episode 31 Recap

Last episode, Yoko was here. She in Tokyo now, but things continue to happen to me, so let’s talk about them. I fell out of the shower. I saw my MS doctor and we discussed my recovery, and I told him the blanket analogy about how MS is like being trapped under a blanket that can be very heavy at times.  From the never-before-heard ancient history, I played Episode 1, about a visit to the occupational therapist, challenges with hot sauce manufacturing, and the desire to share my disabled experience both good and bad.  I wonder aloud, should I be on disability? I told the blanket analogy to my occupational therapist.  I resolve to try and make something out of crisis.

Enter The 36 Echo Chambers

The echo chamber of social media is like the final scene of the great Bruce Lee movie Enter the Dragon where he fights Han with all the mirrors.
When I went to Lollapalooza in 1994 before Smashing Pumpkins came out they played this scene.
I went to Lollapalooza see the Beastie Boys, and I thought Parliament was especially memorable because they had a guy dressed as a baby. Bootsy Collins was very far out.  Cypress Hills was there, and Guided By Voices too, but I wasn’t hip enough to be up on that yet.  I was fifteen, and I remember being confused.

Wahl’s Protocol

Listeners wrote in on the website and the Facebook page to ask if I knew about Dr. Terry Wahl’s protocol, which is a dietary approach to fighting multiple sclerosis.
One of the few things that seems to really affect how I am feeling is what I’m eating. Because of this, I try to cook as much as I can myself using minimally processed ingredients. This way I know more about what is going in to my body, so I can easily make changes and modify my approach.

Episode 33 Will Be the Season 1 Finale

The final episode of the season will be the next episode, Episode 33. I’m going to take a pause for a long-overdue upgrade to my computer and audio equipment.  In advance of the Season 2 Premiere, I’m going to put season 1 back online.  I’m already speaking to different people and making efforts to expand my network, so I can bring new voices and perspectives to the podcast in Season 2.  Expanding my vision will increase my podcast’s Disability Consciousness, grow understanding and make our community stronger.

New Growth

Last week the landscaper was here and we planted new plants in the garden, cut some old ones back, and retired some others.  New arrivals include red snapdragon, mexican sage.  Everything is looking great in the garden and getting ready for Spring.

Differences from Then to Now

Listening to last episode, I was struck by how different things were in Episode 1 in comparison to the present time.  In Episode 1, I wonder about getting disability.  I applied for disability and received it in Episode 20, five months later.  I got my ankle-foot orthotic (AFO) brace in episode 1, but it took until Episode 8, two months later, before I could wear it without too much pain.  Even though it still hurts, now I wear it every day.  I’m looking into getting a scooter, so I can increase my range and go farther.  The best difference is that I feel better and more positive.

Stay Tuned

Tune in to Episode 33 for a look back on Season 1 and how we’ll get ready for Season 2.

Exam room

Doctor Visit

In this episode my wife’s mom was visiting, I fall out of the shower, I visit the my doctor at the Stanford multiple sclerosis clinic, and play Episode 1 which is a really validating experience, because many of the themes still resonate.

Episode 30 Recap

Last episode, I exhibited at the Winter Fancy Food Show which was a big step forward for my business. Fulfillment, sales and following up arer ongoing. Getting it together was a lot of work and I experienced some cognitive slowness as a result, and in the episode I told a little story about that. I played Episode 2 in which I shared my intention to get better.

Feeling Better

My wife’s mom Yoko just flew back to Tokyo after staying with us here in San Jose for a couple weeks, and while she was here she told me that I looked better. She said that I seemed sharper and more with it and better in my eyes. I guess I did get better, because I feel better, like I am recovering and getting better. Thanks for listening to my podcast, because it helps and supports me.

I Fell

I fell out of the shower covered in soap. I dropped the soapy puff, and some soap got on the ground and flew out of the shower. Somehow, I emerged unscathed.

Doctor Appointment

My doctor said that my current MS medication was probably working OK enough not to change it, that my past medication probably hadn’t worked, which led me to experience greater symptoms and lose functionality. He said he thought that my disease activity could be too microscopic to detect, and that was how nothing showed up on my MRI.

Good To Be Young

He told me that it is good I am young, because I had time to heal. I told him the blanket analogy that I use to understand MS: that it is like being under a blanket with no edges, impossible to escape. Sometimes heavy and other times lighter, you are always under the blanket.

Episode 1

Without further ado, it’s time to go back to the beginning: Episode 1.  Only a few people ever got this, over e-mail.  In this episode, it’s the month of Mayhem at KFJC, and I go to in for an Occupational Therapist Visit, where I share about Hot Sauce R&D and my Workforce Vision.

Droll

It’s the month of Mayhem at KFJC, and DJs do special programs all month long. Droll pre-empted my show to do a special about music in odd time signatures.

Occupational Therapist Julie

I went to Stanford to visit the occupational therapist. We talked about my business Hoppin Hot Sauce and R&D, recipe development and production bottlenecks. I told her about my vision of a workforce with disabled, vets, and ex-cons, working together in a supportive environment. I got on a tangent and had to flush the segment down the toilet. I start over again.
I ask Julie if I should be on disability. She showed me how it could help me. I got approved for disability in Episode 20 and I went through further feelings about it in Episode 21. Improbably, I told her the blanket analogy! I told her about how I believe in trying.

Going for it

It was great to hear so many familiar themes: the struggle, endeavoring to try, and cultivating positive healing intentions. I’m very happy with the way things are going.

John in the hoppin hot sauce trade show booth

What’s The Matter With Me? Podcast Episode 30

My name is John, I’m 38 years old, husband and father of two, small business owner, radio DJ, podcaster, and I have multiple sclerosis.  I made this podcast to share what I’m going through.

Disabled entrepreneur

Episode 30 of the What’s The Matter With Me? podcast revolves around promoting my brand at a trade show as a disabled entrepreneur with MS.

It was really fun and a major step forward for my business. Check out the episode for more.

Young green chives

Welcome to Episode 29 of the What’s The Matter With Me? Podcast: “Rituximab Infusion”

In this episode we’ll take a look at:

  • no-tie shoelaces
  • last week’s rituximab infusion (my multiple sclerosis medication)
  • Hoppin Hot Sauce‘s inclusion in the Winter Fancy Food Show
  • Pre-history throwback pilot Episode 3, in which I have a hard time asking for help

NOTE: Most of the early episodes are offline for maintenance, and I’ll put them back as soon as I can get around to it.  Thanks for understanding.

No-Tie Shoelaces

In What’s The Matter With Me? Episode 29, I spoke about moving on from shoe laces, and soon after I recorded it, I was looking for new shoes.

asics gel nimbus 20

I bought Asics Gel Nimbus shoes with no-tie shoelaces and they are working out for me. They are black Asics running shoes with white soles.They look pretty much like regular shoes but the laces are made of elastic so they function more like slip-on shoes. They are kind of stretchy to move in and it takes some getting used to. At first I felt self-conscious wearing them but now I like the way they look. They ran me $160 on Zappos which is pricier than I’m used to but the shoe is a lot easier to use than New Balance 574 Classics which run around $75. They are so much easier to get on and off, and that saves a lot of time and energy, things in short supply.

Rituximab infusion

Last Tuesday I got my infusion of rituximab which is my primary multiple sclerosis medication. My appointment was for 1:30 p.m. but I had to take Benadryl and Solu-Medrol as precursors. Because it was the afternoon and I was taking powerful steroids like Solu-Medrol, I had trouble sleeping that night.

Rituximab is a prophylactic-type medication and I don’t usually feel a difference right away. I think it is helping me but I am continuing to have multiple sclerosis. It is not healing me for sure. It’s hard to tell, maybe it is protecting me from getting worse. That is a hard situation for multiple sclerosis patients like myself, because you can’t tell whether your medication is working or not.

I’m getting older for sure and that is no easy ride. So there are challenges for everyone always across the board.  I have a lot on my plate and I have to stay focused.  I’m glad rituximab infusion isn’t causing me any major problems.

Talk less, act more

winter fancy foods show moscone interior

Remember last episode I told you that my New Year’s resolution was: “Talk less, act more.”  I spoke about wanting to get my brand out there.  Well, things are happening, and fast!  It’s exciting.

Hoppin Hot Sauce will take part in the the Winter Fancy Foods Show as a part of KitchenTown‘s Incubator Alley booth at Moscone Center on Tuesday, January 23. I have been given an opportunity to jump-start my brand, to move from prototypes to orders, and to make my brand real. The time line is very tight and showtime is 8 days away.  It is taking all my time and fatigue is tough to manage.  I am intimidated by my workload and I need support to avoid getting into an emergency. I am reaching out- it is working. Letting people know about the challenge I face is getting them on my side.  I need the discipline to delegate and manage properly.

Baby chives

Baby chives are growing in the winter garden.  I can find peace and hope in the natural cycle of renewal and the good, right energy of growing plants.

Pre-history throwback Episode 3

Episode 3 revolves around having to ask for help, and the complicated feelings that go with that.  I need help, but I don’t want to ask.  It’s cool to hear old episodes, because of slight differences in the way I approach my disability.  Nowadays, I feel a lot less hemming and hawing asking for help.  This podcast has given me the strength to ask for help, and to be comfortable with myself.  That is a good thing.

hand

It’s a New Year and time to move forward

Last episode of What’s The Matter With Me? Episode 27 wasn’t very focused and I could have explained myself and foregrounded what is going on with my Multiple Sclerosis disability more effectively.  The title of this podcast is What’s The Matter With Me? after all. I resolve to run things a little more by-the-book this year.  For this episode, at least.

Cafe Oto

cafe oto street scene

Crowd outside Cafe Oto in Dalston, East London

Last episode,  I reviewed Marshall Allen’s Volcano Quartet CD Volcano Swing, a live performance at the BBC in London, where he was in town for three nights at Cafe Oto.  Listener Chris lives there and wrote in to let me know about the location, in Dalston, East London, and some live shows he had seen there.  It sounds groovy and I hope to check it out myself someday.

Never give up

I can have a bad episode.  A terrible episode.  Ghastly.  But I won’t give up or cede an inch in any direction.

I discussed in Episode 25 as well as Episode 4 that I won’t give up.  The pressure to give in and let go of the rope and drown in my disability is extreme.  Multiple sclerosis is suffocating and pervasive.  I have been dumped and it felt very bad — I bet that anybody having a hard time with something feels the same.

Tapering Medication

I called my neurologist to request help with tapering down Gabapentin, they said I’d get a call-back in 24-48 hours, but they called me back in about an hour.  I was concerned because I had adjusting my own dosage without any guidance, which is bad practice.  The nurse told me that my dosages had been fine, and outlined the boundaries for my pain meds.  My dosage is back to normal, and I am not in pain.

No-tie Shoelaces and shoelace replacements

I’ve bit the bullet and decided to get rid of my laced shoes.  I’ve got some no-tie shoelaces which turn my shoe into slip-ons.  They’re working OK but my shoe feels like it might fall off.  I’m glad to be done with shoelaces because they came untied and I wouldn’t retie them.  I’ve got some shoelace replacements in the mail.  I’ll go over them in an upcoming episode.

Disability Visibility Project

Disability Visibility Project Alice Wong icon

Disabilty Visibility Project Alice Wong icon

Disability Visibility Project is a platform for creating, sharing, and amplifying disabled voices created by disabled activist Alice Wong.  I said in Episode 25 that in 2018 I would bring new voices to the podcast and the Disability Visibility Project is part of that effort.

Interrupting the Uninterruptible

I hosted the Blues Collective with Jack Tar from 10am to 2pm on KFJC yesterday,.  For the first hour, Jack plays the music and runs the mixing board while I sit below in the interview area.  At 11, we switch places, and I run the board and he is below on the mic.  We do it again at noon and at one.

While it was my time to run the board, I played the same song twice.  I put my foot on the wrong place and unplugged whata the engineer told me was the “Uninterruptible Power Supply” — it turned off the CD players, the lights — pretty much the entire station!  I ferlt like I lacked focus or was fatigued, and I messed up the show.

Everybody feels that way sometimes.  “Uninterruptible”?  All I had to do was unplug it.

New Year’s Resolution

Talk less, act more.  This podcast is a bit of both.  Don’t think too hard about it.

Carpenteria californica, bush anemone

Episode 27 “New Blog / Throwback Episode 4: Help”

As my limitations from multiple sclerosis increase, I’ve had to get comfortable asking for assistance.  Asking for and accepting help is one of the secrets of effective people. Or so I’m told.

Winter rolls on. I continue to produce content and work on the site daily.  Being with family and experiencing multiple sclerosis or disability can be difficult to manage, and pressure only increases during the holiday.

Papa’s Got A Brand New Blog

I’ve added a blog to the site, and I discuss my first post, about a disabled woman’s social isolation.  Episode 4, “Help” from the pre-history, chronicles never giving up, in an echo of Episode 25.

I never stop reviewing records

I am reviewing Marshall Allen Volcano Quartet’s CD Volcano Swing. Marshall Allen was part of the Sun Ra Arkestra and this band is a continuation of that.  They were in London in 2011 when a volcano exploded in Iceland, grounding all flights. The band took a three-day residency at Cafe Oto in North London.

They stopped by the BBC Radio to promote the gig and recorded this CD. At the end of the CD there is a live interview and Marshall Allen reveals that he was a member of the Sun Ra Arkestra trapped in Seattle when Mount Saint Helens exploded in 1984.  Pretty awesome, it makes it clear that a musicians life is always about getting that next gig in line.

Episode Synopsis

  • It is cold in the garden and there was light frosting a couple of times this week
  • I’ve got a new blog
  • People in wheelchairs are judged and face cruel realities
  • Marshall Allen Volcano Quartet “Volcano Swing” CD review
  • Throwback Episode 4 “Help”

The holidays are almost over — just New Year’s. Hopefully I’ll hike somewhere good.

Cover of What's The Matter With Me? Podcast Episode 26

Slogging through the holiday with MS and trigeminal neuralgia pain
I fell and ripped out the belt loop from my carpenter pants
Throwback to the pilot: Episode 5 when I had an MRI reaction and a boil on my butt – gross

Mary from Friends NYC @friendsnyc picked out this sweater